The Power of Pause
The cycle of work, dissociate, sleep, repeat is all too often one that many people get stuck in. When a person feels stuck in their life for long enough, they may start therapy to help them process how they got to that place and how to get unstuck. People seek therapy for a variety of reasons: to process trauma, for self-discovery, to address depression or anxiety, to address unhealthy coping, etc. No matter the reason, one thing always sticks out: the never-ending rush to reach the destination of “healed”.
Healing is a process that requires confrontation, understanding, and response. Meaning that often just knowing why something is is not sufficient. For life to look different, internal and/or external change must take place. I find that many people focus on external change: change in their situation or circumstances or change in others. To be honest, I get it because I’ve been there too. When you’ve felt like life just keeps throwing you curve balls, you want a way to dodge them or a way for them to stop. While I totally understand the urge to try to control things and people, shifting your focus to what is in your control is the only way to slowly move towards sustainable change. Before you can control anything, you must be in control of yourself. One powerful tool that I teach clients in therapy to help them connect with themselves is the power of pause.
The power of pause is about slowing down. In our fast-paced world, slowing down may seem counter-productive, uncomfortable, or like a waste of time, but it is the key to success. Pausing gives you the space to assess what you are thinking and feeling and gives you back control over your next move. As humans, we are creatures of habit. That means whether good or not, the habits that we have developed are what we repeat even if they are unhealthy or keep us stuck. For example, breaking the work, dissociate, sleep cycle takes deliberate change. The brain operates on neural pathways designed to work as efficiently as possible, so if you’re used to coming home from work and dissociating by sitting down to watch hours of tv, even if it doesn’t make you feel any less stressed, your brain and body will more easily turn to that habit because it’s what’s easy. To gain control over your next step in life, you must pause to assess your options.
One helpful practice to engage in the power of pause is using the Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) technique: Dropping the Anchor. ACT is a therapy modality that focuses on helping people uncover their values and make decisions that are in alignments with those values. Dropping the Anchor uses the acronym ACE to help people slow down to connect with themselves and the present moment. ACE stands for:
Acknowledge your thoughts, feelings, memories, and urges (internal experience)
For example: “I’m having the thought that this is difficult” or “I notice anxiety as my hands get clammy”
Come back into your body
Ground yourself in your body by shifting something about yourself in the moment; root your feet in the floor, roll your shoulders down and back, take a deep breath, relax your jaw, lift your palms towards the ceiling, feel your seat, gently sway from side to side.
Engage in what you’re doing
Reconnect with the world around you. Notice 3 things you can see, 2 things you can hear, and 1 thing you can touch.
This practice takes only a couple of minutes and can have a profound effect on the way that you move through your day. Try it! In the work, dissociate, sleep cycle, that may look like making a conscious choice to go to a workout class with friends after work or making a meal that you really enjoy as soon as you get home. Giving yourself a moment to pause gives you more autonomy over your next step, allows you to connect with what you are feeling and how you are perceiving the current moment, and gives you the opportunity to reset so that you make choices that align with your goals.
If you find that you need more support or would like help uncovering your values and building a life that is in alignment with them, consider reaching out to start therapy. To connect with Courtney, you can click the link here to setup a free consultation and learn more about getting started. You deserve to prioritize your mental and emotional health and to slow down to take the small steps that empower your future.
